I am telling you buddy it is going to be a long ass post so if you have important assignments or future changing projects to work upon you should just ignore and get back to work. Being an introvert I have always bottled up my feelings inside me,till there are days that small actions of some people just tears me apart.Growing up in a typical middle class family my hobbies were crushed long back to some extent that I chose not to be passionate about anything , a part of that includes my work too. I believe the correct definition of passion is finding peace in what you do without giving a damn about anything else in the world. The thing about me is that I dont get that feeling ever. Moving on , lately I have been quite sad (would not say depressed) for no apparent reason.It made the thing all the more difficult coz i could not figure out what the eff is going on.I tried all the stuff like having a free day, putting a mask on ,painting my nails,going out to eat at fancy cafes ,spending time with my friends, watching movies but nothing really worked out.
Its completely exhausting having the same fights with yourself day after day but it is OKAY. Now for the potentially controversial part. It is okay to not want to get out of bed, it is okay to cancel plans, it is okay to tell people that you are not okay, what’s not okay is accepting that this is you for the rest of your life.But then life doesnt really stop for you to recover from your so called mental illness.I thought of visiting a therapist but then I ,being a college student cannot really afford one.My despair started growing like cancer and natural poor grades due to all this added more to the chaos.
There was a time when I had stumbled upon the folowing list and realised I had all of these issues going on in my brain
- Feeling sad or down(all the fucking time)
- Confused thinking or reduced ability to concentrate
- Excessive fears or worries, or extreme feelings of guilt
- Extreme mood changes of highs and lows
- Withdrawal from friends and activities
- Significant tiredness, low energy or problems sleeping (I basically want to sleep all day)
- Inability to cope with daily problems or stress
- Trouble understanding and relating to situations and to people
- Alcohol or drug abuse
- Major changes in eating habits
- Sex drive changes
- Excessive anger, hostility or violence
- Suicidal thinking
THE WORST PART BEING I DONT HAVE ANY REASON TO BE SAD.
I HAVE A NICE AND SUPPORTIVE BOYFRIEND.
I GET ENOUGH MONEY TO MEET MY NEEDS.
I HAVE NICE FRIENDS TOO.’
I tried praying but even god has turned his face away from me.
Till one fine day I woke up after a nice sleep ,had a giant cup of coffee,sat in the balcony ..and suddenly felt a beacon of hope arising in me and making me realise that by being sad I am missing out what could be the best years of my life.
I finally realised that person who goes through life looking for fairness in all their experiences will end up resentful and unhappy. Sometimes things will go our way, and sometimes they will not, regardless of how fair it may seem. Life is not fair always , accept it and move on .
Hating yourself for your past mistakes wont fix them ,try to be better.Everyone makes mistakes and you can still do so much more than regretting.
Grow a thick skin , people are mean and there is nothing you can do about it . The best you can do is be kind to yourself and work hard not for the uncertain future but for the beautiful today .
Lastly for today :Nightmares are not true ,they are just crippling fear deep down your subconsious mind and no one is actually solely present to make fun of you they have their own life and you do not have to care even if they do .
JUST LIVE YOUR BEST TODAY ,GIRL. ❤
LOADS OF LOVE ,
DORA :*
notamereforegoneconclusion 